There’s a reason why I haven’t been active around the blogosphere a lot lately so this being Mental Health Month and all, I figured this would be a good time to address why 🙂
All the way back in March, I paid my doctor a visit. Just for a general check-up with a new physician. All was fine and dandy. Now, my new doctor is in the same network as my therapist. So he looked at my file and asked if I had ever had my thyroid checked. My anxiety coupled with “my small frame” (his words not mine) might be due to that. I said no, it had never been checked and scheduled some blood tests. My blood tests came back normal. Yay!
Now, a bit of background. I’ve been underweight pretty much my whole life. I eat a lot of unhealthy food but don’t put on weight. So my being thin, isn’t new. The thing is, I saw my weight. That first day I saw my doctor, I saw the scale and it scared the shit out of me. So when my doctor and I discussed my blood tests and my mental health he asked me if I thought I had an eating disorder. I replied no (the truth), because I’m not looking to lose weight I’m trying to gain weight. He said good, that’s what I wanted to hear, added a note to my file for my therapist, and prescribed me some anti-anxiety medication.
At my next session, my therapist and I talked about my doctor’s appointment. She ended up referring me to a nutritionist. Great! My first meeting with the nutritionist was basically another therapy session. It was intense. She told me there was a difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating. Apparently I fall into the latter category. The good news is that I left with a lot of information and a plan.
And that’s what’s been going on. To deal with my anxiety disorder, panic disorder, mild depression and disordered eating, I have regular therapy once a month, nutritional therapy every 2 weeks, and medication to be used sparingly. Its been an adjustment. I fought medication for so long but I see that what I was doing before obviously wasn’t working. I told myself I was fine, because I wanted to be okay. And the medication has actually been helping me. I follow my meal plan as well as I can. I want to be healthy, both mentally and physically. I’m basically a work in progress. Aren’t we all?
What does this have to do with blogging? Well, with all of this going on I’ve stopped commenting on all of your lovely posts, replying to comments and just been a terrible blogger. The funny thing is, I have been reading your posts! I read the emails every morning and throughout the day and they put a smile on my face. Sometimes (very rarely), I even do comment and like a post! [Check out Brianna’s post on books with mental health rep HERE & read Sophia’s wonderful take on Daenerys after that one episode HERE]. But because my mental health isn’t at its best, I’ve found it really difficult to engage with all of you. It’s me, not you!
I am reading tons of books though. Lately, I have been feeling a bit of a reading slump coming on, so I’ve been sticking to short books. Or books that I know I’ll enjoy. Writing long reviews has been overwhelming so mini-reviews have been great.
So that’s it. That’s what I’ve been dealing with these last few months. Every day brings its own challenges, but I’m pleased by the progress I’ve made. I am relatively happy. Still scared shitless (Because seriously. It’s frightening ya’ll). But I’m sort of happy. And I think that’s a pretty good place to be. I’ll take sort of happy over not happy any day of the week!
If you read this all the way through THANK YOU! You beautiful patient soul haha. You are much appreciated ❤
HAPPY BLOGGING EVERYONE! 😀